Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We have started to decorate penises.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
