My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
