This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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