got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
