why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need water and some morals
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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