He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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