Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
