You really coming over, don't trick.
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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