Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm at about main and main street
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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