Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
