I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
