Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize