remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
