I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
