There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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