I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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