i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
