Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
