just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
