; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize