It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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