In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
