and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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