Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
third nipple confirmed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
