she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
