This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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