dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
did you just send me my own nude
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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