i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
