Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just tell him i said nine months
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
