he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
