i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
