I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
