when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
