So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
