I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
