I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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