I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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