oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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