On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
