i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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