my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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