How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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