I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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