You're so nebulous sometimes
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
