She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
