Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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