Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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