Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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