U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
