I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
