weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
