Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize