just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
