How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
