those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize