Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize