yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
