So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
