I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
