Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
