I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
