shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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