Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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