I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
