Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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