Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize