ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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