good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
