You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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