Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think i got beer on your cat.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
