just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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