I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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