and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
