Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
