Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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