I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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