So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
