They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
