it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
