2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
