i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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