dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
