I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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