so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
