my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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