shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
