she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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