So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is the high leading the old right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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