just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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