I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
