dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
