I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
