How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
