i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
