you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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