Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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