I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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