i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
