The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize