I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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