i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
