why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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