Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
