girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
