I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize