he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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