he puts the penis in happiness.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
