Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
