nut hugger
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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