i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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